I never thought I would be married and be so alone. Why would my husband nag me to get pregnant then as soon as I do, turn into someone totally different? He says he doesn't love me as much anymore. Love me less now that I am carrying your second child? Oh it's probably because I am so evil now. Poor baby...
I can't even talk to him, its like talking to someone who just doesn't give a shit about you or your feelings. All he wants to do is talk himself up like he is so wonderful, and you know usually he is, but lately, I just hate the way he is. He is not my friend. I know that if he met some girl that was "sweet" to him or patted his fat ego he would drop me without a second though because he only wants what makes him happy. He always fought for me before because he did love me, but now he doesn't, he doesn't care. Before we got married I told him that I was afraid that he would leave me someday because he would realize that I can't be everything he wants me to be, a sex slave mainly, but all these demands he puts on me, I just can't meet them all

The last 2 days (before today) have been pretty awful! I have thrown up non stop. I finally had my husband take me into the hospital to get an IV for fluids. Today has been good though. What I can't understand is my husband. He wasn't the greatest when I was pregnant the first time and now he is just repeating his douchedome. I always say he would be a horrible nurse, He has no bed side manor whatsoever! We have been fighting a lot. I know part of the problem is my anger issues which I take prozac for and most days I do fine. We do fine. But I am starting to realize now that this relationship teeters on my well being. If for any reason I am having a bad day or I get pissy he acts as if the whole world is coming to an end. And one thing can push it to the edge. My husband expects so much out me, unreasonable things, things that God should be for him. I feel so damn alone, like I am the only one on this earth that takes care of my heart and all the while I have to take care of my son, which I will always do with total love and then this grown man, I have to make him whole? I should only have to make him whole where a wife makes a husband whole, not where his own emptiness is that needs filled by something else. For weeks now he has been complaining about how I treat him. I am not always the perfect June Cleaver wife head over heels for my husband, but for him to actually try to act like I treat him badly?? Are you kidding me. I'm sorry, when did carrying a man's child (and he nagged for months for me to get pregnant) become like doing the dishes? I DO NOT expect rewards for all the work I do but I do expect respect and maybe when it comes to being pregnant, a little sensitivity and nurturing. Just a little of that would say hey, thanks for being the barfing, bloated, moody baby pod for 9 months, thanks for all the shit you have to go through, thank you for giving birth and taking non stop care of our children!! no, instead right now he is out at a bar with his friends, for the 2nd night in a row, and yes, I mean he went out drinking after taking me to the hospital. He went out 2 nights last weekend as well. WTF

3

I guess I am making up for feeling good yesterday by throwing up this morning, a lot. I went to bed with a sore stomach, just like a pit in it. Anytime I woke in the night I felt right away like I was going to get sick. I had a weird dream last night that I was at my Grandparent's house (deceased) and I was trying to put out Christmas decorations and my Grandpa kept getting mad and trying to keep certain things away from me like I would ruin them. This would've never occurred in real life. I mean he would've never cared. In the dream I had a cat that when I got so mad I was storming out of the house, I threw this cat over my shoulder to take it out with me. I must have felt it's claw sinking in, or the cat starting to struggle, even though I knew this cat would behave just how I wanted, I bit the cat and sunk my teeth into slowly, not piercing it, just a controlling grip, to tell it to calm down. I remember thinking this cat is just going freak out, bite back and claw me up, but it didn't....I don't have cats or even like them. I also remember being in their kitchen on my way out and having a huge fit of rage, taring things apart and slamming things around, screaming and just going mad. I thought someone will surely come in here to stop me or fight me, but no one did. I think I woke around then with an aching gut. I am glad to have a break from J. (my son) today, his Grammy is taking him to a Rotary Christmas lunch at a pizza parlor. I should be able to get some laundry done and some napping in too!!

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I took half a Zofran last night because I kept feeling sick and it did help. Other than my son waking up and coming into our room 4 times, I slept pretty good. Once he learned to climb out of his crib he thinks it's pretty cool. It can be a challenge to keep him in bed but it's so cute when he comes around and says "HI MAMA" 

After him getting up again and again, I pulled him up in the bed to let him sleep there but all he did was flop around and steam roll my nipples so I put him back and finally he stayed. 

I woke up this morning without vomiting!! Hooray!! I did dream last night that I had a little boy. I keep thinking this one could be a girl since it seems so different than the first time. What do you think, do the symptoms indicate baby sex or is it all wives tales?

1st Blog ever

I am 8 weeks along in my second pregnancy. In my first, I experienced so many different things that were all so new to me. I think it may make each day a little easier if I can lay it all out in a diary of sorts. Hopefully with some comic relief along the way.
So far this pregnancy has been different than with the 1st. With my son, I couldn't stand the smell of just about everything, no food sounded good, and I felt sick most of the day with no result other than feeling shitty all day. I lost 10lbs in the first trimester from not eating much, which of course I gained back along with more!
This go round I have thrown up almost everyone morning upon waking up. I am okay with the morning puke because it's nothing but stomach fluid, I HATE throwing up chunks! UGH, the worst!! Admittedly, some days I can't get out of bed without smoking some weed. In my defense for those who disagree, I use a vaporizer which is far less harmful than smoking and I only use it when needed and it really works wonders. My friend took Zofran for nausea, a Rx given to cancer patients going through Chemo. 1. I hate taking pills, seems putting a pill on a bad stomach isn't a smart idea, and 2. I prefer nature to chemicals, Sorry.

Yesterday was a "normal" day until the evening time when I threw up my dinner. I can't remember now what I had but it was awful coming up. Throwing up is so violent and painful. I still have a lump in my throat that makes every swallow painful and also reminds my stomach about the ache from barfing over and over. and now as I am thinking about it I feel the urge again. I have had horrible gas/crap pains today! I take a crap and it hurts so much I just about throw up. I am ready for bed now and hopefully so is my son. He is still up at 11:30pm!! Little turd :)